Quarantine with Teens

Tips for Parenting Teens and Young Adults in Quarantine

By Allison Haslett, Ph.D.

School closures, sports cancellations, social distancing, and stay at home orders have revoked a newfound independence in teenagers and young adults who now find themselves spending all of their time at home. These unusual circumstances can be difficult to manage for both parents and children. Here are some tips to help navigate the uncharted waters.

Listen

Listen to your teen or young adult’s concerns and feelings first before providing advice or responding about your own experiences. Summarize and reflect what your child is saying back to them, so they know they are being heard and you know you are understanding them accurately. Validate any feelings they are having.

Communicate honestly

Open and honest communication can reduce conflict and enhance relationships. Reflect on and express your own feelings including those triggered by changes in routine, increased demands, lack of social interaction, and the many unknowns of this time. Empathize with your children about things they are missing out on including sports seasons, musical performances, and any major life events. Be open about your current expectations and wishes for yourself and your family. Remember to not only speak about negative aspects of this time or behaviors that may be irritating to each other but also reflect on the positive aspects of this time and things you both enjoy about being home. Address anxiety about the unknowns by validating that the unpredictability is stressful and that one way to cope is by focusing on what you can control in the present. Explore and share self-care activities and coping strategies that work for both yourself and your child. Practice them together.

Emphasize social distancing

Explain to your teen or young adult the impact social distancing will have not only on their own health, but on the health of all Americans. Explain to them that you understand it is a sacrifice and it is a sacrifice that all Americans and American businesses are taking. It is important for them to realize that by staying home they could save lives.

Encourage socialization

One of the most difficult aspects of the “stay at home” orders for your teenager is feeling socially isolated. Encourage your child to use social media and other forms of technology to stay connected in a positive way. Decide together what the best platform is for communicating with friends. In addition, it may be powerful for your child to exchange written letters or small care boxes with friends, grandparents, or extended family. Drop them at a doorstep or send them in the mail. Stay connected to your community by making colorful posters and window signs for people you would like to honor or thank during this time. Reach out to see how you can support a local business.

Maintain boundaries

Both you and your child should try to maintain boundaries related to social interactions, school participation, and home expectations. While your child is participating in virtual learning, be there for support if they need it but allow them to work independently as if they were in school. In addition, allow time for social independence such as Face-Timing in their bedroom or participating in group chats without listening in. Clearly state expectations for all family members in the home. Take a team approach, in which everyone is expected to do their part.

Keep routine

Help your teen or young adult keep a consistent schoolwork schedule along with consistent sleep and eating schedules. In addition, encourage a workout of the day, whether it is a walk, yoga, or an online workout class. When the weather is nice, try to spend time outdoors.

Allow choice

It is likely your teen or young adult feels frustrated by newly found independence that has been unexpectedly revoked. Provide them choice so they feel a sense of control over their days. Allow them to set their own schedule, then review it together. Listen to their explanations for the timing of different parts of their day. Problem solve ways to maximize their time. Rather than placing orders, allow your teen or young adult to choose a chore for each week from a list you create. In addition, allow your teen to choose activities to do with family. Let your teen or young adult pick a TV show they think you will like and watch it together.

Practice coping skills

In addition to maintaining proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, and school schedules, it is important to use and develop good coping skills. Realize you are living in close quarters and everyone has times of irritability, anxiety, sadness, or feeling overwhelmed. Give each other space but also be there to support one another when needed. A few words or a hug could go a long way. Try not to over-react or catastrophize by thinking of worst-case scenarios. Limit the amount of time you and your family spend watching or reading the news. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment. Take deep breaths. Model calm and rational problem solving.

Be flexible

Although it is important to keep a consistent routine, be flexible regarding rules around screen time, social media, and bedtime. Your teen or young adult is missing the socialization they typically experience during school hours, at after school activities, and on the weekends. Allow your child to spend a little more screen time catching up with friends or watching TV with the family. If your child is home from college, provide them with more privacy than you typically would if they were home on a school break. In addition, although it is important to practice good sleep hygiene, do not stress if your child is waking up a little later or going to bed a little later than their typical bedtime.

Get creative

Get creative in ways to honor missed events, to entertain each other and to enhance relationships. Your child may be missing out on sports seasons, musical performances, and major life events. Do your best to keep these activities in their lives. Allow them to practice and perform with your family as an audience. Host a mock graduation with a DIY diploma and cap, creative signs from siblings, and a celebratory meal. Have a playoff tournament involving their favorite sport. If possible, suggest that they wear their uniform to make it more authentic. Begin long-term projects or games. For example, start a family book club, work through a cookbook together, host a weekly or biweekly talent show, watch a tv show as a family, or work on a difficult puzzle. Participate in family trivia in which each family member comes up with one question each day. Keep score and reward a weekly winner. Host holidays and birthday celebrations via video conferencing. Organize “drive by” birthday parades. Bake a special cake or dessert.