Category: Adjustment

Combating School Refusal

Posted on by Leave a comment

What if your child does not want to go to school?

By Allison Haslett, Ph.D.

Possible causes of school refusal:

  • Anxiety about friendships, social situations, or school performance 
  • Feelings and thoughts of insecurity
  • Worrying about situations such as failure, bullying, or not being able to navigate the school building
  • Leaving their comfort zone after the pandemic
  • Difficulty with transitions and changes

Tips to ease the transition:

1. Prepare your child

Prepare your child with what to expect in a typical school day. Attend any orientations or back to school nights that are available. If your child is struggling to find their way around the building or having locker difficulty, reach out to guidance counselors.

2. Organize the night before school

Have everything prepared the night before including lunches, backpacks, and water bottles. Clothes should be picked out and tried on. All homework should be completed and put away. Everything should be waiting at the front door ready to go. 

3. Set realistic expectations

Talk with your child honestly about expectations for the school year. Focus on your child doing their best and being proud of their own work, rather than specific grade achievements (e.g., all A’s). Although every parent would like their child to do well, encouraging them to do their best, and being sure your child knows they are not expected to know all the answers, can help ease their anxiety which, in turn, may boost their motivation and grades. 

4. Encourage a growth mindset

Teach your child that they can improve in their areas of weakness if they practice skills and work hard. Use examples from characters in familiar movies, books, or shows.

5. Connect with a point person

Be sure to connect with a teacher, guidance counselor, or school psychologist to be a point person for your child in the school if they need someone to speak with, experience bullying, or need an emotional break from the school day.    

6. Remind your child of the positives

Speak with your child about aspects of school in which they enjoy and can be excited about. If your child has not seen their peers this summer or is experiencing social anxiety, remind them of a few students in their class in which they have had positive experiences with.

7. Be mindful of anxiety disguised as noncompliance

Fears about the transition back to school may present as noncompliance. Instead of yelling at your child, taking things away, or punishing your child, it is more effective to sit down and speak with them about their resistance to school. This will increase understanding, support, and connection, which increases compliance.

8. School refusal is a severe problem

School refusal is a severe problem which can disrupt family routines. If your child is refusing to attend school for more than three days, consider having your child evaluated by a psychologist who can potentially help your child develop coping skills to manage underlying stress or anxiety. Therapy can also offer parenting strategies to ease tensions and increase your child’s motivation to attend school. Your child’s psychologist may be able to consult with your child’s school to develop an effective plan.

Warning signs your child may be struggling:

  • Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
  • Changes in appetite
  • Constant questioning or seeking reassurance
  • Increased physical complaints such as stomaches or headaches
  • Frequent visits to the nurse
  • Change in child’s behavior or mood

.

If you need additional support, please contact us through our website, by email at info@compasspsychnj.com, or by phone at (732) 778-6360.

Live Webinar Registration

Posted on by Leave a comment

Managing Childhood Behaviors & Enhancing Relationships during the COVID Crisis

Staying at home due to COVID-19 has forced families to quickly adapt to new norms. Parents now find themselves supporting virtual learning, integrally involved in their children’s play and free time, trying to keep up with household chores and meal preparation, and struggling to complete their own work from home. In addition, close proximity can lead to arguing and irritability. How can you juggle it all? 

Join our live webinar in which Dr. Lauren Fasciani and Dr. Allison Haslett provide unique ways to manage your child’s behaviors at home and to maximize time while under stay at home orders to enhance family relationships. 

When (two dates available)

Thursday, April 23 at 8:00pm Register Here

Saturday, April 25 at 10:00am EVENT CLOSED

Where

ZOOM webinar

Price

$25

The webinar will be about one hour. A question and answer session will be held at the end to address individualized needs. Additional resources will be provided. 

Quarantine with Teens

Posted on by Leave a comment

Tips for Parenting Teens and Young Adults in Quarantine

By Allison Haslett, Ph.D.

School closures, sports cancellations, social distancing, and stay at home orders have revoked a newfound independence in teenagers and young adults who now find themselves spending all of their time at home. These unusual circumstances can be difficult to manage for both parents and children. Here are some tips to help navigate the uncharted waters.

Listen

Listen to your teen or young adult’s concerns and feelings first before providing advice or responding about your own experiences. Summarize and reflect what your child is saying back to them, so they know they are being heard and you know you are understanding them accurately. Validate any feelings they are having.

Communicate honestly

Open and honest communication can reduce conflict and enhance relationships. Reflect on and express your own feelings including those triggered by changes in routine, increased demands, lack of social interaction, and the many unknowns of this time. Empathize with your children about things they are missing out on including sports seasons, musical performances, and any major life events. Be open about your current expectations and wishes for yourself and your family. Remember to not only speak about negative aspects of this time or behaviors that may be irritating to each other but also reflect on the positive aspects of this time and things you both enjoy about being home. Address anxiety about the unknowns by validating that the unpredictability is stressful and that one way to cope is by focusing on what you can control in the present. Explore and share self-care activities and coping strategies that work for both yourself and your child. Practice them together.

Emphasize social distancing

Explain to your teen or young adult the impact social distancing will have not only on their own health, but on the health of all Americans. Explain to them that you understand it is a sacrifice and it is a sacrifice that all Americans and American businesses are taking. It is important for them to realize that by staying home they could save lives.

Encourage socialization

One of the most difficult aspects of the “stay at home” orders for your teenager is feeling socially isolated. Encourage your child to use social media and other forms of technology to stay connected in a positive way. Decide together what the best platform is for communicating with friends. In addition, it may be powerful for your child to exchange written letters or small care boxes with friends, grandparents, or extended family. Drop them at a doorstep or send them in the mail. Stay connected to your community by making colorful posters and window signs for people you would like to honor or thank during this time. Reach out to see how you can support a local business.

Maintain boundaries

Both you and your child should try to maintain boundaries related to social interactions, school participation, and home expectations. While your child is participating in virtual learning, be there for support if they need it but allow them to work independently as if they were in school. In addition, allow time for social independence such as Face-Timing in their bedroom or participating in group chats without listening in. Clearly state expectations for all family members in the home. Take a team approach, in which everyone is expected to do their part.

Keep routine

Help your teen or young adult keep a consistent schoolwork schedule along with consistent sleep and eating schedules. In addition, encourage a workout of the day, whether it is a walk, yoga, or an online workout class. When the weather is nice, try to spend time outdoors.

Allow choice

It is likely your teen or young adult feels frustrated by newly found independence that has been unexpectedly revoked. Provide them choice so they feel a sense of control over their days. Allow them to set their own schedule, then review it together. Listen to their explanations for the timing of different parts of their day. Problem solve ways to maximize their time. Rather than placing orders, allow your teen or young adult to choose a chore for each week from a list you create. In addition, allow your teen to choose activities to do with family. Let your teen or young adult pick a TV show they think you will like and watch it together.

Practice coping skills

In addition to maintaining proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, and school schedules, it is important to use and develop good coping skills. Realize you are living in close quarters and everyone has times of irritability, anxiety, sadness, or feeling overwhelmed. Give each other space but also be there to support one another when needed. A few words or a hug could go a long way. Try not to over-react or catastrophize by thinking of worst-case scenarios. Limit the amount of time you and your family spend watching or reading the news. Practice mindfulness by focusing on the present moment. Take deep breaths. Model calm and rational problem solving.

Be flexible

Although it is important to keep a consistent routine, be flexible regarding rules around screen time, social media, and bedtime. Your teen or young adult is missing the socialization they typically experience during school hours, at after school activities, and on the weekends. Allow your child to spend a little more screen time catching up with friends or watching TV with the family. If your child is home from college, provide them with more privacy than you typically would if they were home on a school break. In addition, although it is important to practice good sleep hygiene, do not stress if your child is waking up a little later or going to bed a little later than their typical bedtime.

Get creative

Get creative in ways to honor missed events, to entertain each other and to enhance relationships. Your child may be missing out on sports seasons, musical performances, and major life events. Do your best to keep these activities in their lives. Allow them to practice and perform with your family as an audience. Host a mock graduation with a DIY diploma and cap, creative signs from siblings, and a celebratory meal. Have a playoff tournament involving their favorite sport. If possible, suggest that they wear their uniform to make it more authentic. Begin long-term projects or games. For example, start a family book club, work through a cookbook together, host a weekly or biweekly talent show, watch a tv show as a family, or work on a difficult puzzle. Participate in family trivia in which each family member comes up with one question each day. Keep score and reward a weekly winner. Host holidays and birthday celebrations via video conferencing. Organize “drive by” birthday parades. Bake a special cake or dessert.

Coping in Quarantine

Posted on by Leave a comment

Tips for families to cope with close quarters and new routines

By Allison Haslett Ph.D.

“Stay at home” orders have led families to live under unprecedented circumstances. Parents are now wearing all hats – juggling their ability to protect their family from contamination, home school their children, complete their own work, and be there for when their children want to play or need help. Trying to take care of these responsibilities, in addition to the stress of the current world events, is overwhelming. Here are some tips to find calm in the quarantine.

1. Stick to a routine

Be sure to make a schedule for everyday. Write it as a list or draw it in pictures. Determine a consistent time when your child will wake up and when they will start remote learning. Be sure to schedule for recess and lunch breaks and any after school activities that your children are able to participate in virtually (e.g. religious classes, gymnastics, etc.). Aside from virtual learning, schedule time into your day for exercise, family time, creativity, and chores. If needed, set up a reward system to keep your child on-task and motivated to complete their work.

2. Engage in positive activities

Be sure to schedule other positive or fun activities into the day. You or your children can choose an “activity of the day” each morning or the night prior. It will give them something to look forward to and help them learn decision making skills and cooperation. To practice turn taking skills, have your children rotate who chooses the activity for the day. Some inside activities include yoga, army crawl races, jump roping, dance contests, building forts, making jewelry, and creating a treasure hunt. If the weather is manageable, go on a walk or play outside. You can also set up a movie night or game night and prepare for it by baking cookies or a favorite dessert together.

3. Help children cope

Listen to your child’s concerns and validate their feelings. Help children focus on what they can control and predict. Aside from schoolwork, encourage healthy coping by prioritizing healthy eating, exercise, and sleep habits. Try a meditation app with your children. Practice mindfulness by keeping them focused on activities and work they would like to accomplish that day. To enhance their ability to do this, give your child a chore for them to accomplish each day. Make a list of possible chores and let them choose what they would like to do. For example, they could be in charge of unloading the dishwasher, caring for pets, or helping with dinner.

4. Practice problem solving

Use this time to work on enhancing family relationships and communication skills. Moments such as these can bring families together. However, extended periods of close proximity, with the added stress of the current world events, can lead to more frequent arguing among siblings and between children and parents. Stay at peace by practicing problem solving skills: state the problem, brainstorm possible solutions and choose the best solution, implement that solution, then evaluate whether the solution was effective in solving the problem.

5. Focus on the present

Focus on how you and your children are feeling in the moment. Try to be present with your family. Avoid “fortune telling” and imagining worst case scenarios. Take deep breaths. Practice staying positive and hopeful in an unpredictable time.

6. Allow yourself space

Allow yourself space as a parent. Practice self-care. For example, take a walk, connect with a friend or family member, or even try to take a nap or a bath if possible. Allow yourself and your family members time away from coronavirus news and updates. Limit yourself to specific short times to check in daily. For example, check in once in the morning, once around lunch, and once at night. Remember to take things day by day and reach out for help from others when needed.

If you need additional support, please contact us through our website, by email at info@compasspsychnj.com, or by phone at (732) 778-6360. We are currently offering sessions via Telehealth.

Staying Calm Amongst COVID-19 Fears

Posted on by Leave a comment

How to talk to children about the coronavirus outbreak

By Allison Haslett Ph.D.

The coronavirus outbreak has changed lives around the world. Alarming headlines, breaking news, and changing rules to adhere to are frequent in our everyday lives. With school closures, people wearing masks in public, and an increased anxiety related to contamination, children have questions. Here are some tips on how to speak to children about the coronavirus.

1. Discuss the facts

Do not be hesitant to speak with your kids about the coronavirus. Your children have already heard about the outbreak either on the news, at school, or from peers. Some of them have seen people wearing masks. Talking to your kids can ensure they are getting the right facts.

2. Take cues from your child

When speaking with your kids, do not volunteer too much information. To be sure you are meeting your child at their developmental level, let them lead the conversation. Allow your child ample opportunity to ask questions and to tell you how they feel. Answer your child’s questions honestly, clearly, and briefly. It is okay to say, “that is a great question, once I know more I will let you know.”

3. Be reassuring

Instead of using false general statements such as, “everyone is going to be okay,” sharing certain facts about the virus can be reassuring. For example, it may be reassuring for some children to know how rare the virus is and that children seem to be less likely to get sick from the virus. In addition, it may be reassuring to let your child know that the current situations or changes are plans to keep people safe.

4. Focus on what you can control

Focus on what your family can do to stay healthy. This gives a feeling of control and can decrease anxiety. Reinforce the basics: wash your hands frequently, wash your clothes, sleep well, avoid touching your face, and eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. If your child is not feeling well, keep them home from school and activities.

5. Stick to routine

Keep children busy with their regular routines and focused on schoolwork and after school activities. If school is closed, keep your children in a routine similar to school breaks or summer. Keeping predictability in their day to day is important in a time of unpredictable circumstances.

6. Check in with yourself

Check in with your own reaction to the virus. Reflect and think about how you are coping. Obtain information and plan accordingly. It is important that you model rational thinking and a calm response for your children.

Some warning signs that your child is exhibiting concerning behaviors related to worries about contamination include:

  • Frequent and repetitive question asking specific to germs and illnesses
  • Excessive hand washing or cleaning
  • Withdrawal from others, irritability, or significant changes in sleep
  • Restrictive interest on COVID-19 or other viruses

If your child is exhibiting any of the behaviors described above, you may need additional support. Please contact us through our website, by email at info@compasspsychnj.com, or by phone at (732) 778-6360.